The sunrise is on the horizon. We are in a Government van loaded down with 10 snowboards and a family of 7, myself and cute Korean boy aka “him”. 3 hour bus ride to the ski resort. More updates soon. Cordless 🙂
Well, tomorrow is our snowboarding trip and after that I am cutting the cord. Trying to be friends through this whole process is only making things worse,for me at least. I think it’s not that hard for him since he wasn’t the one that was crazy about me. I can not keep this up. We have been talking everyday and still doing the good morning texts and it’s time to let go.
It’s been almost a week and things seem to be getting harder. My sleep is better, the dreams are out of this world strange to say the least. The thought of men still make me sick. I was asked on a date yesterday and I had to decline since I get a weird feeling just thinking about starting over. It is very confusing to me. I know that the trust is ruined and there’s no way I will be going back anytime soon, yet all I can think about is “him”. I guess I just really gave all of my heart to “him” and I’ve never been wronged like this. I’m trying to make this a better week. Thank goodness for Thor, that’s one thing I am very grateful for 🙂
Is it Monday already?! Boo… No usual wake up 100 times routine last night! Ya! Maybe it had something to do with Thor and I going to visit “him” yesterday. It was a surprisingly nice visit. Thor got to see his Daddy and I got to catch up on all my DVR.. I think being friends will be the easiest way though this. I mean I did lose my best friend, not just my significant other. We are supposed to go snowboarding this weekend, we will see if he holds up to that promise. That was one of the promises that were never made. It’s sad, we have been living in new Mexico since April and barely did anything outside of going to the gym and playing call of duty! Of course now that I am gone he feels like just sitting around the house and playing COD is boring! Hello! Why couldn’t he figure that out while we were together!?! Why does it take leaving someone for them to wake up?! Well I am all ready to go boarding, lets see about him?!
So I baked some chicken legs last night and all I could think about this morning was devouring one for breakfast. So I ran down stairs and was so excited to get this leg into my mouth I didn’t even heat it up!! It was delicious. Such a strange craving for me for breakfast. I mean I can understand if I had spaghetti in there or some left over Asian something but a freaking chicken leg?! New one for me!!? Anywho, my sleep is getting better, I only woke up once. I remember my dream being so interesting I should have written it down! Having Thor as a cuddle buddy sure makes this sleeping alone thing easy. I miss having someone to sleep next to. The thought of a man right now still makes me sick though. Breakups suck! It seems it would be easier to just go back instead of starting all over but it’s just not possible to trust again.. God give me the strength to heal and mend this stupid broken heart of mine …
Of course it’s 6am and I’m wide awake! Sleep in on the weekend?! What’s that? In my attempt to move on and not think about “him” I go check out his Facebook this am only to find nothing new, just as I assumed. Sneaky guys are smarter then that! Well, sneaky is an understatement and in fact a comment compared to the choice of words I am choosing not to use. My first thoughts this morning were to go running. I’m not sure whether that is because I’m working on this wow you body or if my subconscious mind just wants to run. Run away from it all.. But then I come to my senses and remember that I once heard a great saying
The only way around a problem is through it
So here I am treading along. Thor is coming out of his depression I do believe. He slept in the bed with me without a fight, he played all day yesterday and is currently nestled under the blankets radiating this delightful warmth for me while I lay here debating on what I’m going to do with this lovely morning. The sun is seeping through my surprisingly not dusty blinds and reminding me how I most definitely can not go back to sleep on this delightful Saturday morning. So I’m staring at my bookshelf contemplating on grabbing a book or just laying here in thought. Oh speaking of thought, I just had a great idea! Maybe I should meditate. Dang then I remembered I need new headphones because someone ate mine!